| I Got the News: 20 Things From The Off-Season That You Need To Know Authored by David Mosley - September 24, 2005 - 10:34 am
| Current Featured Columns | | The First Three Weeks of 2008-09 Now that we’ve had a little time to watch free agency unfold, along with the usual accompaniment of trades, let’s look at some of the key moves and how they impact the teams involved.
Grading The Deal: W's Sign Maggette And TuriafThe Boom Dizzle era is over, and the Warriors quickly recovered by signing two nice pieces to complement their young core.
| |
2. Glamour Profession – The Bobcats unveiled the 2005-2006 Bobcats Dance Team, “comprised of highly skilled dancers adept in a variety of dance forms.” Can they not come up with a better name than the Bobcats Dance Team? The possibilities are endless. Just use your imagination. For the record, I’m voting for Shonica as my new favorite.
3. Change of the Guard – The Bobcats selected schoolyard superman Raymond Felton with the 5th pick in the NBA draft. Felton will immediately push veteran Brevin Knight to become the team’s starting point guard. I immediately created a new sandwich at my favorite deli in Charlotte, Woodbutchers, and had them name it the Felton. It’s a fabulous masterpiece with ham, cheddar cheese, sweet pickles, onion rings, French fries, and barbeque sauce, all together in a low carb wrap (for the health conscious).
4. Throw Back the Little Ones – The Bobcats selected Raymond Felton’s UNC teammate Sean May with the 13th pick in the NBA draft. GM Bernie Bickerstaff said before the draft he wanted to go big with his second pick, if he went small with his first and he apparently was telling the truth. I don’t have a sandwich for named for May just yet. I’m thinking about a deep fried whole chicken smothered in butter and mayonnaise with a sidecar of fatback and a Diet Coke.
5. Hey Nineteen – Before the draft, many experts predicted that the Bobcats would select over-hyped prep star Gerald Green with their 5th pick. When Green was still on the board at 13 the Bobcats passed on him again, shocking everyone. Green slid all the way to the Boston Celtics. “Hey 19 that’s Larry Bird” Looks like the Bobcats weren’t the only team to be annoyed by Green’s refusal to workout against other players.
6. Haitian Divorce – “Soon everybody knew the thing was dead”… After only one pathetic year in existence, the Bobcats pulled the plug on CSET, their regional sports network. I thought Bob Johnson knew something about cable television, apparently not. I’ve seen kids in community colleges pitch better business plans. CSET was a disaster from day one. It completely eliminated 75% of the Bobcats television audience. … “No tears and no hearts breakin’, no remorse”.
7. Your Gold Teeth II – Brilliant marketing ploy? Basketball genius? The Bobcats front office claims they drafted UNC stars Raymond Felton and Sean May purely from a basketball standpoint. OK, if you say so. Either way, Felton and May are now probably the most marketable NBA players in Charlotte since Larry Johnson. Get ready for Eddie 2 starring Felton, May, Nelly and your loveable coach Rosie O’Donnell. Great family fun.
8. Show Biz Kids – Rookies Raymond Felton and Sean May, along with veteran Matt Carroll, led the Bobcats summer league team to an impressive 4-2 record at the Rocky Mountain Review. May was voted the MVP of the review and Felton and Carroll were named to the All-Tournament Team. During the tournament, Carroll entertained us with a daily blog. “I think most of the guys on the team were a little disappointed that we were not playing in the Las Vegas summer league [but] this is a business trip not a vacation.” Way to be Debbie Downer, Matt.
9. Things I Miss the Most – Apparently nobody told Bernie he’s allowed to sign players during the summer. “Who are these free agents you speak of Jerry?” The Bobcats did not sign one single free agent from another team during the summer. I know about “The Plan” Bernie, but throw us a bone, would you. Ronald Murray? Steve Blake? Devin Brown? I’m not asking for much.
10. My Rival – The Atlanta Hawks gave up two future first round picks, Borris Diaw, 70 million in cash, an owner, an autographed Dale Murphy bat and a bucket of peaches to land free agent Joe Johnson. Wow! On one hand you’ve got Bernie and the other hand you’ve got the Hawks. Like I said, I’m not asking for much Bernie. This is only noteworthy since tons of Bobcats fans were ready to give up just as much to land Joe Johnson. I’m with you on this one Bernie.
11. This All Too Mobile Home – Say goodbye to Jason Hart and hello to Jake Voskuhl. In a pair of confusing trades the Bobcats sent Hart to Sacramento and acquired Voskuhl from Phoenix. Who the hell am I going to complain about now that Hart is gone? He was half my material. I feel a Bernard Robinson rant coming soon.
12. Sign In Stranger – This just in…Bernie woke up and finally decided to sign some free agents. Come on Ronald Murray [crosses fingers]. Nope, we signed Antonio Meeking, Alan Anderson, and Kevin Burleson. Who? Exactly. Apparently, Minnesota Vikings receiver Nate Burleson is Kevin’s cousin or dad or aunt or something. Fantastic.
13. The Goodbye Look – Get ready for some devastating news. The Bobcats decided to pass on re-signing free agents Jason Kapono, Keith Bogans, Theron Smith, Jahidi White and Malik Allen. Damn, there goes the other half of my material. Seriously Bernard, get ready. In related news, Kapono’s hot wife will no longer be attending games. There goes another 100 season ticket holders. “Won’t you pour me a Cuban Breeze, Theron”
14. Do It Again – Not all is lost. The Bobcats eventually re-signed free agents Brevin Knight, Kareem Rush and Matt Carroll. That just leaves Gerald Wallace. Knight will compete with Felton as the starting point guard, eventually moving to a mentor’s role. Rush will most likely start at shooting guard and Carroll will probably be the first or second option off the bench. If somebody asks me if “Do it again” is a Smashmouth song, I think I’ll stab ‘em in the eye.
15. Pretzel Logic – After butchering their television deal last year you’d figure the Bobcats would have learned their lesson. Put the games on a basic cable channel that is accessible to most of the Carolina’s. Make the games available for subscribers of Direct TV (that’s what most sports bars have…hello?) I guess they didn’t learn. The Bobcats are negotiating to put all their games on News Channel 14, a channel that is only available to Time Warner cable subscriber’s in the Charlotte area. Will the games be interrupted for weather on the ones? Does Bob Johnson eat lead paint for breakfast? It’s amazing to think that Hornets televised games in 1988 reached more viewers than Bobcats televised games will in 2005. How is that even possible? Do you remember what cable was like in 1988?
16. Only a Fool Would Say That – Gerald Wallace and his agent turned down a reported 3 year, 16 million dollar deal, an average of 5.3 million per year. Apparently, they felt Wallace was worth more. Has Wallace’s agent ever seen his client’s jump shot? I’m gonna go out on a limb and say…no. Luckily the Bobcats and Wallace were able to work out a deal. Amazingly, Wallace’s agent will still get paid.
17. Bad Sneakers – The Bobcats recently announced Sean May had knee surgery and will miss all of the preseason. Just when May was getting in shape he goes and has knee surgery. “Hey, he’s just a fat kid.” I’m guessing the Bobcats denied May’s request for an IV filled with gravy. Come on big fella, you’ve got a ton of critics to prove wrong. I’d say there are no less than 6000 message board topics dedicating to trashing May as an NBA power forward. I got five bucks that says May proves them wrong.
18. Everyone’s Gone to the Movies – In early September the Charlotte Observer announced the Bobcats are behind their season ticket numbers from last year, despite the lure of a brand new arena. Considering the Bobcats ranked 28th in attendance last season this is not good news. So much for that whole Lets Draft Tarheels to Increase Attendance Strategy. Here’s a thought…PUT THE GAMES ON A REAL TV STATION! Maybe then people will realize there’s an NBA team here.
19. Everything Must Go – The Bobcats will play their exhibition games in the Charlotte Coliseum and then that big concrete piece of garbage I like to refer to as the Stinkhola on Tyvola will be demolished. Oh the memories… Kelly Tripucka crying at half-court, my buddy vomiting a hot dog in the concourse, Heavies Beer Closet, Tammy the Honeybee from Gastonia and at least a half-dozen hazy Grateful Dead concerts.
20. Home At Last – On November 5th the Bobcats will play their first game at the new Charlotte Bobcats Arena (that’s as bad as the Bobcats Dance Team). Too bad the Rolling Stones are going to ruin the arena a few days prior. What’s this tour called? NetZero and Snapple present the Outback, Cotex, We’re Not Dead Yet Stones tour of 2005? They’re worse than NASCAR. At least the Bobcats get to play a few games before Elton John comes to town. “Could it be that I have found my home at last?”
…And that’s all you need to know. |
